Marriage, Divorce, and the People of God Part 1 - Mark 10:1-12

2:24Go a few more years, and it was the sanctity of virginity. With the coming of the 60s and the sexual revolution, which gained momentum at that time, represented in our country a departure from restraint, a shift in restraint. And coming out of that was the sanctity of human life. And this represented our nation's shift in responsibility. The desire for freedom of sexual expression championed was greater. Than our desire for a government that was based upon the value of human life.

3:07So there's been this steady deterioration of marriage. And then it was the sanctity of the marriage permanence. And this was a shift in commitment. Those who want to practice unmitigated sexual expression shifted the responsibility. They didn't want the responsibility for that, but they also didn't want to be held to a commitment. And this is especially seen in the rise of no-fault divorce in our society. First one became a law in California in January 1, 1970. Since then, every state has adopted a no-fault divorce policy. Now, prior to this, to get a divorce was a pretty complicated process. You had to prove that the spouse had committed some sort of breach, whether it had committed adultery, abandonment, or some other kind of act that would warrant a divorce. Well, all that changed with the coming of no-fault divorce. People could get divorced for any and all reasons. And just to give you an idea of just how difficult it was to get a divorce at one time in this country, Alabama once had a law that basically said it took two-thirds of both House legislators to approve a divorce. It took less to open. Override a government veto. That just tells you how different our times are. The effect of this, and I read from a survey that was taken in 2005, is that married adults now divorce two and a half times as often as adults did 20 years ago, and four times as often as they did 50 years ago. Between 40 and 60 percent of new marriages will eventually end in divorce. And this comes out of this no-fault divorce. People do not want to maintain a commitment. Well, today the hot issue is not no-fault divorce, but it really involves the sanctity of biblical manhood and womanhood as fundamental components of marriage. The homosexual marriage. And this is a shift in the very definition of marriage itself. And it's a very controversial issue. If you clue in at all what's going in around you, you'll realize that this issue is changing the employment landscape. The employment law has been changed and is changing. It is also changing the educational landscape and our academic landscape and the way our schools teach our children. It is also changing the way we do business. The business landscape has changed as a result.

6:00You remember this past summer, the whole Chick-fil-A controversy that started because some independent owners of a Chick-fil-A sponsored a marriage seminar by giving some chicken sandwiches. And this struck a chord to such a degree that the opposition to traditional marriage rose up in revolt and tried to scorn, chastise, and even put down Chick-fil-A for their stance. And in some areas, Chick-fil-A could no longer come in and do business. But it is also changing the political landscape. The Democratic National Convention, first time ever, has adopted a supportive homosexual or supportive of homosexual unions. So now, when you go to the polls this coming election day, there are two camps pitted against each other over the issue of homosexual marriage. It is also changing the theological landscape. It's changing the way the church views the Bible and ministry.

7:12And this is seen in a number of denominations and institutions that are now embracing homosexuality as a legitimate, God-ordained, or God-purposed lifestyle. This is seen like up in Baylor University. When I was there, his name is Dr. Dwyer. In 2004, Waco dedicated a new gay community center, and it was named after this faculty of Baylor University who taught generations of ministers for nearly 40 years. His position is that homosexuality is something that God has put in each individual, and therefore it is not wrong at all, but sanctioned by God. His point is that the Bible is not the direct dictated words of God, but it is a mixture of both God's inspiration and humans' limited understanding. And that what God is really doing is that He is gradually through time leading people to a greater understanding of themselves.

8:22Well, all this underscores it is a hot issue today. Our modern society does not prioritize God's word. They want minimal sexual restraint. They want minimal responsibility that goes along with their expression. And they want minimal commitment. And they themselves have set themselves up as the authority to define marriage. The first question we need to ask ourselves is: who is the authority on marriage in the first place? Who has the right to talk about it? Is it the convention? Census of our society? Is it a particular institution? Who is it? Is it me? Is it you? Who is the authority that can give us a firm answer on this?

9:13Well, the counsel of Scripture makes it very clear that it is Jesus. John 1:1 through 3 says this: In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came into being through Him, and apart from Him, nothing came into being that has come into being. Colossians 1:16 says this: For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on the earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities, all things have been created through him and for him. Counsel of Scripture is that it is plain Jesus is the authority to speak on this matter. And Mark's answer, to refresh your memory, is that it is Jesus who is the authority. If you remember, one of the major themes of Mark's gospel is the authority of Christ. He is seen as the one who has authority over the human body. He can physically heal all that were brought to him. He is the authority over the realm of demonic spirits and that he can cast out an entire legion of demons. He is also seen as the authority. Over nature, he can walk on water, and he is also seen on the authority over matter. He can create matter out of nothing and determine its final form just at his word. He is the authority. He is the authority. And when I'm asked, what do I think about homosexual marriages, as I'm sure many of you are asked, My standard response is, it really doesn't matter what I think, does it? It really doesn't matter what you think, does it? I'm not the authority on marriage. I'm not the final authority in spiritual matters, and neither are you, and neither is anybody else. We must go beyond ourselves to that authority, who can truly speak upon this critical issue.

11:24The second question we need to ask ourselves is: who does Jesus expect to obey his ideal for marriage? Who does he expect to obey? Well, the answer is very clearly, it's Jesus' followers. The focus of Jesus' ministry at this point is upon the disciples, and it has been since Mark chapter 8, since right after he fed the 4,000. If you'll remember, he goes across, feeds the 4,000, and then the Pharisees come out and they say, show us a sign. Give us a sign demonstrating who you are. Are. And Jesus in 8:13 basically tells them, No, I'm not going to give you a sign, and then he leaves them. He leaves talking with the Pharisees. If after all that is said and done, and all that has been seen is not sufficient to convince them of who Christ is, or if those were not adequate signs, he basically says there's no more going to be given to you, you're going to see the Son of Man rise from the dead. That's going to be the sign as victory. And since then, the Gospel of Mark takes a turn to where Jesus is no longer speaking to the crowds, he's speaking to His disciples. And so He takes them on a long walk, seminary on the road, up through Galilee, up north of Galilee, and down, and He comes down into Judea, and that's where we pick it up in chapter 10. And in chapter 10, right here, we see the crowds again come around. But the focus is still primarily upon the disciples. As he will go into an inner room and he will explain, as the disciples ask him questions more about this. So, in short, who does Christ expect of all the people of the earth to obey his standards for marriage? It is his followers. In fact, Mark's gospel itself is not written for the government of Rome, but for the church at Rome.

13:28And likewise, the sermon this morning. It isn't addressed to the government of the United States, but it's addressed to you here this morning. Followers of Christ, or those coming around to follow Christ. Third question. Now that we've looked at who is the authority and who does he expect to obey, what is his precise teaching? Well, and this is what I want to look at over the next couple of weeks. What is his precise teaching? I want to take us, it's going to take a couple of weeks. In this passage, God gives us a crystal clear definition of what marriage is. He settles what God's intention is. And that's in verses 6 to 8. Yet the driving issue of this passage is not marriage, but it's divorce. Divorce. It's the question about divorce that is driving this whole thing. And you really can't talk about divorce without talking about marriage. And so Jesus' teaching on marriage and divorce comes to us as a package. But it begins with the issue of divorce.

14:41And the bottom line, if I can summarize all this stuff in one sentence, Jesus does not want his people to be divorce-minded. He does not want those who follow him to be divorce-minded. And there are people in this room who are divorced. But by God's grace, they are not divorce-minded. And there are also some people in this room who are single and or married that are divorce-minded. And what you will hear over the next couple of weeks is that which is very distinctive of Christianity. This isn't Islam that's going to give you this teaching. It's not Judaism that's going to give you this teaching. It's not secular humanism that is going to give you this teaching. What you're going to hear is distinctly Christian, followers of Christ.

15:41And I want to urge you right at the outset of this: don't check out. Don't check out whether you're not married because this affects all of us. Don't, regardless of your marriage status, regardless of your marriage history, don't check out. Because the principles that are laid out here are for all of God's people. And I recognize that this is a very sensitive subject. And as we come to it, it's one filled with a lot of emotion, a lot of hurt. I don't think there's probably anybody in this room, or not very many, who have not felt the sting of divorce. And some very, very severely. But the best thing that we can do is to come, set aside whatever. Your situation is and come to the honest, pure light of God's Word and let it speak to us. And that is what I want to do over the next couple of weeks. So let's begin working our way through this passage. I want to cover this morning's message. I only intend to get through about five verses this morning, but I want to two things I want to cover this morning: what divorce is and why it occurs. What divorce is and why it occurs. Let's look at the first one: what is divorce? What is divorce? Well, Mark 10 has gone to the region of Judea. Verse 1, in verse 2, some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing him, and began to question him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife. Well, there are two Greek words for divorce in the New Testament.

17:25Very strange connection here. Two Greek words. Ironically, both are sometimes translated as forgiveness, and sometimes they are translated as divorce. One is apoluo, which speaks about release and pardon, and another is aphimi, which also means to send away, or also can be pardon. It's interesting in Matthew 18, 23, we have this picture of this man coming before his king who had to settle, who owed this kingdom. King, a whole bunch of money, ten thousand talents. I'll just read it to you in Matthew 18, verse 24. When he had begun to settle with him, one who owed him 10,000 talents was brought to him, probably bound up, brought before him. But since he did not have the means to repay, his Lord commanded him to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and repayment to be made.

18:30So the slave fell to the ground and prostrated himself before him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will repay you everything. And the Lord of that slave felt compassion and released him and forgave the debt. Beautiful picture there, that the Lord, that this king released him. That's the picture of sending it away. And then, next term, forgave him his debt, the other term for forgiveness. So he released him, that is, he took the shackles off him, sent him away free, and also said, By the way, your debt is now cleared. That is the picture of this word divorce. Very different. In fact, in the picture that we're given in Leviticus 16, there is the law of atonement involved two goats. One was brought and had to be offered up as a sin offering, and the other goat, the priest would put his hands upon the head of the goat. Confess the sins of Israel and send that goat out into the wilderness. It's called the scapegoat. But this is the word that is used for forgiveness. It's one of the most beautiful words in the whole scripture. The idea that God sends away our sins. The picture that He Himself bore the penalty and the picture that He sends them away. This is the picture that comes to us in the picture of atonement. Christ Himself died for us, paid the penalty, and in that act He sends away our sins. So, how in the world can this represent, how can the same word be used to describe divorce? Well, it's the same picture, a sending away, a release. It's like the picture of divorce is sending a goat out into the wilderness to die. It's the picture of divorce. The contrast between God's forgiveness and man's divorce-mindedness cannot be more clear than how these two words are used. You see, God sends away a list of wrongs. But what man does is man holds on to them. He holds on to the list of wrongs, and man sends away people. God sends away the sin and is reconciled to the people. Man is very different. Man holds on to the wrongs and the offenses, and he sends away people. It's the concept of divorce. God seeks a way to reconcile, but man seeks a way to divorce. Send away. I remember a colleague, actually, a woman who worked in our company, and she was having some staff problems, chronic staff problems. She had up there in age, had divorced her husband, and just had a whole divorce mentality. And one time we were trying to address an issue with her that somebody had apparently offended her in the workplace, and the exhortation was, let it go. And her response is, I don't let things go. And you just felt the heat of bitterness.

21:41I don't let things go. And you know why she doesn't? Because she's just like her father the devil. And brothers and sisters, if you are a person who holds on to the offenses of others, you are a lot more like your father the devil than you are like Christ. She is an old, bitter woman. All of her relationships were honeymoon relationships. They last for a couple of weeks or a couple of years until you get down to that deeper part, and then, boom, she's offended and she's gone and moves on to the next. And there are people who go through life just like that because of this principle. They cannot let things go. And that is man's issue. So, what is divorce? Well, divorce is a Active. It is active. That is, it is the act of leaving. It is the act of abandoning. It is the act of sending away. Being divorced is not being left.

22:44The word is not in the passive. Being left is not divorcing or granting somebody who is hell-bent on leaving, is not divorcing someone. Divorce is the act of putting somebody away. The act of releasing oneself of obligation, duty, and responsibility. And at its core, it is self-centered. It is not at all concerned about what happens to the other person. It is totally self-centered, totally driven by self-interest, self-desire, and it is a severance of relationship. This is exactly what Jesus does not want to characterize his people. He wants his people, instead of leaving, to be seeking reconciliation, just like he did. He wants his people to be seeking to fulfill duty and obligation and responsibility, not sending it away. And he wants his people not to be self-centered, but serving others. This whole divorce mentality is not to characterize God's people.

23:58So we've talked about what divorce is. Now I want To shift gears and talk about why it occurs. Well, the answer, if you look in verse 5, is given. Hardness of heart. That's why divorce happens. And this hardness of heart is embodied for us in the Pharisees. They are the perfect object lesson of what a hard heart looks like. And it's right here in our passage this morning. We love object lessons, right? We love to teach our kids and we love to have big object lessons. Well, here's an object lesson right here. The Pharisees.

24:35First of all, their approach reveals their hardness of heart, their approach to Christ. Look at verse 2. Some Pharisees came up to Jesus, testing him, and began to question him whether it was lawful for a man to divorce a wife. So the reason they approached Jesus in the first place had nothing to do with an honest desire to be better husbands or to promote better marriages in Israel. And most of the time when people come to the subject, that's how they approach it. They have another reason that they're coming to it. But they're coming here to test Jesus. They were testing him. They were putting him through an intense examination so that they could perhaps find fault with him. That's what's going on, the dynamics. And so what they do is they throw one of the most controversial issues of their day out there for him to handle. It was a hot potato back then, too.

25:29In fact, There are several schools of rabbinic thought that were going around at the time. There was the Shammai school of thought that said, okay, you can divorce a wife only on the basis of adultery, so unchastity. Then there was Ben-Sirah, which said, okay, you can divorce your wife on the basis of submission. If she fails to submit to you, then you can divorce her. And then there was the school of Hillel. Okay, and that's, you know, we've got a Hillel Foundation right south of campus. This was the liberal one of the day.

26:04They saw divorce could happen for even a spoiled meal. So basically, for whatever reason. And the historian Josephus, if you read through Josephus, you'll tell that he was also of this school of thought. I'll just read to you a little excerpt from Josephus. He was that Jewish historian of that time. He says, well, at about a certain time, I divorced my wife also, as not pleased with her behavior, though not till she had been the mother of three children. After this, I married a woman of eminent parents, and she was the most illustrious in all the country, and whose character was beyond that of most other women. And by her, I had two sons. And he goes on. So he put her away because some indecency was found in her for whatever reason. And he went after another woman. Well, that was very consistent. With much of the school of thought that day. And by the way, it was a one-way standard because only the men could do this. The wives didn't extend to them as well. But in Matthew, in the parallel account, Matthew 19:3, this is the school of thought that this question was put to them from. Listen to this. Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing him and asking, Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all? So, in other words, they're putting forth the hillel thinking.

27:34I think to some degree this is the problem we have today. The Pharisees, their hardness of heart was seen in how they approached the subject. This is a problem today. If we're going to approach the subject, we must approach it, God, with an honest and sincere heart, really wanting to know what God has to say about this issue, or else we're going to miss it completely, just like they did. So their approach reveals their hardness of heart. But second, their response reveals hardness of heart. Verse 3, and he answered and said to them, What did Moses command you? And they said, Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away. Well, Jesus' question was very, what did Moses command you? Well, Moses permitted. You kind of see the different change in verb. They didn't stick with the command, but they shifted. To permission. Jesus asked a question that dealt with the commands, but they answered in terms of permission. Deuteronomy 24, 1 through 4. And I'm going to put it up on the screen. I realize we go through this kind of slow. Today I want just to get you marinating in this thinking, in the thought here. And I realize we go a little in depth here. It's important.

28:55The law that's coming out is Deuteronomy 24, 1 through 4. This is the passage that is being, there's not many others that deal with it like this passage does. This is the instruction. Just read it to you in Deuteronomy 24, 1. This would be the passage that they are citing to justify their position on divorce. When a man takes a wife and marries her, and it happens that she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out from his house, and she leaves his house and goes and becomes another man's wife. And if the latter husband turns against her and writes her a certificate of divorce, so she's having a rough, rough time, and puts her in her hand and sends her out of his house, or if the latter husband dies, who took her to be his wife, so either way she dies or sent out again, then verse 4, her former husband who sent her away is not allowed to take her again to be his wife. So Jesus asks a question. What did Moses command you? Well, it's pretty clear what he commanded. Do not commit adultery.

30:06And he's going to talk a little bit more about what it specifically Moses did command. But they say, no, he permitted. And this is their basis. They're saying Moses is authorizing or giving a permission to divorce a person to divorce his wife. But if you look, it's a very poor legal basis, is it not? The law involved only regulates divorce. It doesn't command divorce. Is this passage saying commit divorce? No. Is it even permitting divorce? No. What it is doing is it is regulating divorce. It recognizes that the human heart is wicked and there is going to be divorce, and it seeks to limit its damage. Why don't you put a video up on the screen? And some of you guys will recognize this as the, remember the BP oil spill? As he's getting that up here, you remember in the Gulf, they broke the oil head down there, down at the bottom, and look what spews out into the Gulf. Just let your mind focus on this. This is at the bottom of the Gulf, millions and millions of barrels of oil being pumped into the Gulf of Mexico. Pretty pollutant, right? Well, do you know that there are laws that regulate the cleanup of this oil spill? The EPA. Now, let me ask you something. Just because the EPA has laws regulating the cleanup of oil spills, does that mean they permit or command oil spills? No, just because they recognize that oil spills are going to happen. They're not permitting it. They're not commanding it, but they're saying, in light of the fact that it does happen, this is how you contain its devastating impact. And so there are laws. Same is true with marriage. Same is true with what Moses did. The people of Israel were a hard-hearted people. And the problem with our world today is that it is in the heart of man, it is spewing forth sin and wickedness and selfishness into the world. And this is what pollutes the world.

32:23And it is the selfishness of man being brought into a marriage union that's going to cause it to break up. There will be sin and it will cause contamination and it will mess up marriages grossly and the world. In fact, if you take it to its logical reason, this is why we have wars. A divorce mentality taken to its extreme. Kill them. Let's see, the command that Jesus, that the Pharisees are looking at was not given to permit divorce, but to limit the damage of divorce. This was not at all a good passage to be talking about what God commanded about marriage. And so, in verses 6 through 8, Jesus is going to take them to the place where they should build their understanding of the marriage union. We'll look at that next week. So, first, their approach reveals their hardness of heart. Their response reveals their hardness of heart. But Jesus' rebuke also reveals their hardness of heart. Look at verse 5. But Jesus said to them, Because of your hardness of heart, he wrote you this commandment.

33:38You see what Jesus is saying? His statement corrects the misguided use of the scripture. The reason for Moses giving this command had nothing to do with God's ideal for marriage. It's like Jesus turns around and he says, Let me tell you why, why he gave you this command. And it's because of your hardness of heart. Your hardness of heart is why this is written. It is your hardness of heart. And the hardness of heart is a picture of one who is impervious to the influence of God. A heart that is impervious to the influence of God. This is where divorce happens. This is why it occurs. It's because of a hard heart, one who is not open to the influences of God in your life. Same expression. Is seen in a horse with a stiff neck, or in the Old Testament, the ox that had a stiff neck. They were supposed to pull the plow, and some of the oxen would not respond. You're supposed to hit them with an ox goat on the neck, and they were to turn. But the expression came when if you had an ox that was hard of neck or a stiff neck, he wouldn't go where you led him.

35:00And this is a picture of Israel. This was a picture of those who are hard-hearted to God. This is a picture of those Pharisees that day. And this is a picture of many of you here today. This is the problem with man. This is the problem at its fundamental part of being divorce-minded. And like I said, some of you aren't even married, yet you have a divorce-minded mentality because you have a hard heart and a stiff neck, and you will not bend and listen to the leading of God in your life. This is the problem with humanity. Fundamentally, this is where it is. And the only solution is what? A changed heart. This is where divorce comes from. It comes out of a hard heart.

35:52See, the problem is the Pharisees this day didn't understand nor want to understand Moses' true position. At all. They were impervious to the influence of God. And so their search of Scripture was only to find a justifying means to allow them to do what their heart already wanted to do, but they weren't coming honestly to the Scripture to determine what God wanted. It's not an issue of just a hardness towards the spouse, it's a fundamental issue of a hardness to God.

36:26That is where divorce comes from. That is why it occurs. Well, and I realize there's many questions I have not answered this morning. What about the woman whose husband is abusing her or abusing their children? What do you do? What about the spouse who is unfaithful? What about the spouse who is addicted to drugs and alcohol? What about the spouse who is abandoned, divorced, not by choice? And I recognize I haven't answered those questions this morning. But to understand this, that these are concessions to a very wicked situation, to a situation that is marred by sin. These are not to be taken as God's ideal for marriage.

37:15My goal this morning has not been to answer all these. In fact, because of the nature of this, we will probably have a question and answer on one Sunday night. I mean, God gives us a passage. We've got to deal with it. And so I want to make sure. That we answer the questions that are being asked. So, if you have a question, put it in the back, and we'll probably have a question and answer. We need to marinate on this issue. This is one of the biggest issues, and I'd put the biggest issue in our society, and it is the biggest issue in our church, or one of the biggest, certainly.

37:52But my goal this morning has been just to set out there what divorce is and why it occurs, and get you marinating on that. And we'll come back next week and look at what marriage is. But divorce is a calloused, hard-hearted sending away, a break of relationships, sending somebody out of your life. And it comes out of a heart that is hardened against God. And the solution, therefore, is a heart is a softened heart. But the bottom line, as you get to the end of this passage, Jesus is impressing upon his kingdom-minded people that divorce is not to be an option for you. It is not to be characteristic of you.

38:35It is not to be characteristic of you. Christ is the epitome of one who seeks reconciliation. We are becoming like him, right? If there's one thing that Christ embodies, he is not one who divorces, but he is the one who seeks after. He is the one who, at great personal expense, is willing to overlook the wrong. He deals with the wrong. He doesn't just let it go, but he takes. Takes the penalty, he takes the payment, he takes the grief and sorrow, and he goes and he searches out and he finds this is Christ, and we are to be like him. His followers are to pattern that, to model that, to be that. He came to bear the weight of our sin. And I recognize that your sin is something that has not kept you from God.

39:31No matter who you are or what sin there is. 1 Corinthians 6:9 says this: Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? But God doesn't stop there. Do not be deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor infeminate, nor homosexuals, nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor reviles, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. But God doesn't end there. He sought you out with his redeeming grace. Such were some of you. But you were washed. You were sanctified. You were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

40:16You may have had a divorce mentality. You may have had a history of divorce. But the issue here is the divorce-mindedness of God's people, and He saves. There is grace for those who have even sent. Someone else away, yet God in His grace doesn't send us away. So you have to come to Him, acknowledging His Lordship and asking for His mercy and grace. Let's pray. Heavenly Father, don't really know how to end something like this, but we pray today that what has been spoken from Your Word will awaken hearts, expose attitudes that are deep within the heart.

41:05God, and I just pray that coming out of this study, that we will be a better people, a people who are not divorced-minded, but who truly embody who you are as seen in our relationships with one another. God, and we pray for mercy upon your church. We pray for mercy upon our land. And God, we just ask you to, by your Spirit and by your grace, create the work, bring the work to completion which you have begun in us. In Jesus' name.