Marriage & Singleness (Pt.1)

0:52In those kinds of movies, marriage is presented as the answer to life's greatest problem, which is the prospect of remaining single for the duration of your life on earth. The second type of romantic comedy sends the exact opposite message. In these movies, singleness is idolized, and marriage is presented as a burden and a disappointment that is to be avoided at all costs. Whether we realize it or not, Hollywood has been discipling us from birth to come to certain conclusions regarding singleness. And marriage.

1:32They've painted an unbiblical picture of what a fulfilled marriage looks like and what a fulfilled single life looks like. And the Corinthians in the first century, although they had not been discipled by Hollywood, they had definitely been discipled by the surrounding culture and their views about singleness and marriage. And some of those unbiblical views had crept their way into the church and had influenced some of the new believers. Furthermore, there was an interesting culture with respect to marriage and views on marriage in the first century that also was influencing Christians at Corinth.

2:07And so as we look at these first 16 verses in chapter 7, what we're going to see today is that marriage and singleness are both gifts from God to be received with humility and hope. Let's take a look at the beginning of the chapter here. At the outset of chapter 7, you have this big shift because if you recall, the first six chapters, Paul was responding to this oral report that was brought by Chloe's people. So some people had left the church in Corinth and had come to where Paul was doing ministry, and they had said, Hey, we're facing these kinds of problems. We need your help, Paul. What should we do?

2:49But in the interim, they had sent him one or more letters that now Paul is responding to their questions that he asked in those letters or in that letter. And so, You see, right here at the outset, he says, now concerning the matters about which you wrote. And this is the first time that we're going to see this phrase. It's going to occur many more times in the rest of the letter. You're going to see sections that begin, now concerning, or now about. And in each case, Paul is responding to these letters or this letter that the Corinthians wrote him. So, verse 1 of chapter 7 begins this long section where he is addressing the topics of singleness and marriage and how Christians should think about those callings and live in light of those callings.

3:35We know from chapter 6 that Corinth was full of sexual immorality, and that also affected many of the believers in the church at Corinth. And it seems as though some in the church had reacted to the situation in Corinth by saying, Look, there's so much sexual immorality all around us that it would be better just to not get married at all. Or if you do get married, the best course of action would be to just remain abstinent, to practice abstinence even in your marriage, because of all the sexual immorality. And so they have this phrase that you see that they write to Paul: it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.

4:18So this is hard to believe today, but actually, starting in the first century, you had celibacy start to become exalted as the holiest type of Christian life. And so, for hundreds of years after this, believers kind of lived with this implicit idea that the holiest, the most devoted, the most dedicated, and committed Christians, they were committed to celibacy, which either meant that they did not get married, or if they were already married when they became Christians, they practiced abstinence.

4:49And so, Paul reads this statement, it is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman, and he's like, whoa, hold your horses there. The desire to walk in holiness is a good thing. I think we can all agree with that. But what the Corinthians are doing is they're turning God's pronouncement in Genesis 2 upside down. What did God say in the garden in Genesis 2 prior to the fall? It is not good for a man to be alone.

5:21And they are saying, it is good for a man not to touch or to have sexual relations with a woman. So, Paul in verse 2 argues, you've come to the wrong conclusion. They're thinking that giving up physical intimacy made sense in light of all the sexual immorality around them. But Paul says, it's precisely because of all the sexual immorality that is around you, that marriage and intimacy within marriage is a good thing. It is for that reason.

5:56So, the Lord Jesus taught that some people would be called to a lifelong. Of singleness and celibacy. However, he teaches and implies that most people are called to marriage. And so trying to live as a single person when God has called you and gifted you to be married is a recipe for disaster. And I really believe that's the reason that the Roman Catholic Church has been plagued with so much sexual immorality for hundreds of years. is because they are going above and beyond the word of God and requiring people who have not been given the gift of singleness and have not been called to be single their entire lives. They're requiring them to remain single as priests.

6:43And so you have people that are not living according to their calling, so it's an obvious recipe for disaster. So Paul says each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. And they need to give one another their conjugal or marital rights, not depriving one another of this God-given provision. And then Paul goes on to say something truly remarkable. Look at verse 4. We miss this and take it for granted because we live in the 21st century. First, he says, the wife doesn't have authority over her own body, but the husband does.

7:20Every first century man would have said, that's exactly right. But then, look at what he says next. Likewise. The husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Every first century man would have been like, What? That is a foreign concept in this culture. You have to understand, we take it for granted today that men and women are equal partners in marriage, because that's what we've been taught. That's how we've been raised. But people in the first century Greco-Roman world most certainly did not view husbands and wives as equal partners in marriage.

8:06Wives were viewed largely as property, they were simply a way to have legitimate children. And so here comes Paul, who for the last 150 years has hilariously been labeled a patriarchal chauvinist, and he says that women in marriage have the exact same rights as their husbands. He goes so far as to say that the woman has authority over her husband's body. Friends, that is the most radically progressive thing that a first century man could have said, much less a first century Jewish man.

8:44Had Bernie Sanders lived in the first century, he would have said, Paul, you are a liberal. That is too far. That is how radical and progressive this statement is. But the Corinthians, at this point, many in the church have really been affected by. What's known as asceticism. And asceticism is the belief that the road to holiness involves extreme self-denial. So, what they were saying is that if you practice abstinence in marriage, that is the best way to be godly.

9:21That's the quickest and most effective road to be godly. And so, I want you to look at verses five and six and see how Paul responds to this. And I want to read them to you the way I think Paul wants us to read these verses. He writes, Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer, but then come together again so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. Now, as a concession, not a command, I say this.

10:07You see, not only did Paul think that practicing abstinence in marriage was unnecessary for holiness, he didn't even think it was a good idea. He says, Look, if you absolutely insist on practicing abstinence for the purpose of godliness, that's fine, but you can't. Cannot have one partner in the marriage relationship decide we are doing this. Both have to decide it together. And it can't be for a long period of time. It has to be for a short, limited period of time for the purpose of prayer. And then you need to come back together so that Satan does not tempt you.

10:49About 10 years ago, a fellow pastor, Justin Buzzard, who's a pastor in our church planning network, he wrote a great book called Date Your Wife. Guys, I highly recommend that you get that book and read it. It will benefit you whether you are married now or maybe married one day. It's awesome. But his wife actually wrote the afterword in the book. And in the afterword, Taylor says, listen, our culture is basically the same as Corinth. We are surrounded by sexual immorality and temptation all day, every day. And so it is a very bad thing to send your husband out into the world full of sexual immorality and temptation with an empty love tank.

11:34And the Apostle Paul tells us that it is a very bad thing to send your wife out into the world full of sexual immorality and temptation with an empty love tank. Some married couples who are here today need no instruction, need no correction in this area. You already believe this and you're living it out. And that's wonderful. You can have a high degree of temperature. Of confidence that God is going to bless and protect your marriage.

12:05But there are other couples who are here today who need both instruction and correction in this area of their marriage. Your marriage is in danger. And it's in danger because, for one reason or another, you are depriving one another. Not by agreement and for a limited time, but because one person has decided that for one reason or another, or for this extended period of time, for any and every reason. You have to understand your marriage is in danger. It is in danger of missing out on God's blessing. It is in danger of missing out on his protection because it's in danger of Satan creeping in and whispering lies and opening the door for temptation and burning your marriage to the ground.

12:59And if it seems like that's a hyperbolic statement, friends, this is in the Bible. It is literally in black and white right in front of us. And so, as one of your pastors, I urge you, I urge every married couple in the room, do not assume that your marriage is fine. Do not assume that. Do not assume that because your husband has not talked to you about this or your wife has not talked to you about this, that everything is fine. No, instead, I want you to meditate on this passage. I want you to pray. Consider what Paul is saying here and how you may be serving or not serving your spouse in this area. And then I want you to come together and discuss the application of these things that Paul is saying. These are commands from the Apostle Paul.

13:45These are not suggestions. And we must keep in mind that marriage is either a help or a hindrance to our own sanctification and to the witness of Christ in our communities. And so we want to make sure that we have godly marriages where Satan is not creeping in and breaking them apart subtly and over time or immediately and out of nowhere. We have to be aware of his schemes. So then we come to verse 7. And in verse 7, Paul has this reflective interlude in the middle of this whole thing. And look at what he writes.

14:28He says, I wish that all were as I myself am, but each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. Now, in two weeks, we're going to talk a lot more about singleness. But here's what I want you to see. In this passage, Paul calls both marriage and singleness gifts from God. They're both gifts from God. You personally may tend to view marriage as a blessing or As a curse. You personally may tend to view singleness as a blessing or as a curse, but God says through Paul that both marriage and singleness are gifts from God.

15:13So, what that means is if you are a married couple, God has given you a wonderful gift, a gift that you should not take for granted. Thank God for your spouse. Don't complain about your spouse. Don't complain about marriage. Thank God for it because it's a gift. Remember, God's primary goal in your life is not your happiness, it is your holiness. And so you can thank God for your marriage. And if you're single, especially if you're single and you desire to be married one day, then God has given you a wonderful gift also. Thank God for your singleness. Don't allow yourself to complain about your singleness, but instead, remember, God's primary goal in your life is not your happiness, it is your holiness. And so you can thank God for your singleness. See, both marriage and singleness are wonderful gifts, but if we cultivate bitterness, either as single people or as married people, then friends, we miss out on the blessing of God's good gift to us. In the form of either singleness or marriage. And so, right here in the middle, Paul wants to be sure that we understand these things are both gifts. And that is very important in light of everything else that he says in the chapter, because the last half of the, or this section, rather, the last half of this section, verses 8 through 16, he addresses three groups of people. The first group is unmarried, and that's either because they were never married or because their spouse died. The second group is Christians who are married to other Christians. And then the third and final group is Christians who are married to non-Christians. So if you take a look at verses 8 and 9, Paul addresses those who are unmarried or who are widows or widowers. He says this, it is good for them to remain single as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

17:30Now, if it seems like Paul is saying that marriage is a second-class existence, because when I read this passage for the first time when I was in college, I was like, it's better to marry than to burn with passion. I mean, it sounds like Paul is saying, like, look, if you're self-controlled like me, you don't have to get married. But if you're kind of not self-controlled and you're a little bit of a spiritual loser, go ahead and get married.

17:52And listen, I can abide a lot of things. But as we have discussed many times over the last few weeks, I'm not going to be able to do that. In Enneagram number one. And so I cannot abide you saying that I am not self-controlled. I am not a nice person, but I am self-controlled. And so to insinuate that you don't have self-control, I was going, what is Paul trying to get at here? But we have to interpret this in light of what he's just said. What has he just said? Marriage and singleness are both gifts from God. One isn't better than the other. They're just two different callings, two different gifts. And in case we're tempted to think that Paul has a low view of marriage, go and read Ephesians 5. He says that marriage is a picture of Christ's relationship with the church. So it's not like Paul thinks it's a second-class existence. He's just saying, look, few people have the gift of singleness. So if you're burning with passion to get married, you ain't got it. And that's okay. It's okay to conclude I am not called to be single for the rest of my life, or I don't think that I'm called to be single for the rest of my life. And so seek to get married. Seek to honor God through your marriage.

19:03In verses 10 and 11, then he addresses Christians who are married to other Christians. And in verse 10, we've got this tricky phrase here. Look at what he says. To the married, I give this charge, not I, but the Lord. What is Paul saying there? Not I, but the Lord. It's like, wait a minute, I thought this was all God's word, so who was talking before now? But what Paul is simply saying is that Jesus explicitly taught on the subjects that he's about to address, namely marriage and divorce. Keep in mind, this is in the mid-50s of the first century. Most of the scripture had not been written. Most people didn't have access to the scripture anyway. And so all Paul is saying is: look, as an apostle, I don't even know if Jesus taught on these subjects. All that I know for sure is that Jesus taught on marriage and divorce, for example. And so he is directly quoting Jesus and his teaching in this section, because Jesus did teach on these subjects explicitly in his ministry. And to either refresh your memory or to show you where he teaches this, I want you to look at Matthew 19. This is probably Jesus' longest passage on marriage and divorce in the scripture.

20:22It says this, and Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause? He answered, Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate. They said to him, Why then did Moses command one to give a certificate of divorce and to send her away? He said to them, Because Because of your hardness of heart, Moses allowed you to divorce your wives. But from the beginning, it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery.

21:18So Paul is simply repeating and applying Jesus' teaching during his earthly ministry here. He's saying that Christian wives should not separate from, that means leave, implying divorce, their husbands, and that Christian husbands should not divorce or send away their wives. If a Christian husband or wife does choose to divorce their spouse, then Paul says they just have two options: you can remain unmarried, or you can be reconciled to your spouse. Those are the only two options. Paul doesn't list the third option, Jesus doesn't list the third option, that's it.

21:58And in the 21st century, in our no-fault divorce culture and remarriage culture, that shocks us, but you should know that it shocked the disciples in the first century as well. I mean, these are the men who are following Jesus. And so Jesus says all these things, and he says this: I say to you, whoever divorces his wife except for sexual immorality and marries another commits adultery. Look at how the disciples respond in verse 10. The disciples said to him, If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry. Marry.

22:35They're like, if I can't get divorced, I'm not even sure I want to get married. How about that? For a permissive attitude towards marriage and divorce. They were just reflecting the views of the day. They were just like ours in the 21st century. You can get married, you can get divorced, you can get remarried, it's no big deal. They were shocked by this, just as many are today. And so, church, what we must understand from these verses in the culture where nearly every one of us has been personally affected by divorce is that Christians should not divorce their spouses.

23:18God does allow divorce in cases of sexual immorality, as we just saw, or as we'll see in a moment, in cases of abandonment, but he never requires divorce. So, believers who are married or who may be married one day, we just need to resolve in our minds that we are not going to consider divorce as an option. We are going to remain committed to our covenant. Because, friends, even in the case of sexual immorality, what we have to remember is that we are married to sinners, and so any sin of any kind is possible within our marriages.

24:01And beyond that, we have to remember the gospel. That God himself is married to an adulterous spouse. Jesus' bride, the church, is routinely unfaithful to him. We worship and serve false idols, which God calls spiritual adultery. And so, while divorce is an option for the Christian in one or two cases, We have to understand as Christians that remaining married is a gospel witness. It is to say that we are trying to show the world the kind of God that we serve, who chooses to forgive and absorb the cost of our own rebellion and sexual immorality against him spiritually. That's a powerful witness and testimony.

24:56Finally, in verses 12 through 16, Paul addresses that last group, and that is Christians who are married to non-Christians. And in verse 12, he says the opposite thing. He says, to the rest I say, I, not the Lord. And so, again, what Paul is doing here is he's not saying that he's giving his opinion, and you can do whatever you want with it, accept it, reject it, whatever you want. He's not saying that. He's simply saying Jesus did not specifically teach on this subject that he's about to address. In his earthly ministry. But Paul is writing as an apostle of the Lord Jesus Christ who is filled with the Spirit. He is still speaking God's word to us. And so his command is this: if you are married to a non-believer and you are a Christian, either because you became a Christian after you got married or because you disobeyed God and married a non-Christian, then you should not divorce your spouse. You should stay married to them. You see, the Corinthians' concern seemed to be: okay, if we're married to a non-Christian, does God now look at our marriage as unholy? Does he now look at our children as unholy? And Paul's response is: no, he doesn't. Because he views you as a Christian as holy, he views your marriage as holy, he views your family as holy or set apart for him. And so you should not divorce your spouse. Marriage is still a God-ordained institution that still, even though imperfectly, is a representation of Christ's relationship with the church. Because again, the believer is pursuing the non-believer, just as Christ pursued the church before we were ever pursuing him. It's still a God-ordained institution that can bring him glory. And so he says, Look, a believer should not divorce his or her unbelieving spouse.

26:58But Paul also. Understands that in certain cases, the unbelieving spouse is simply going to be unwilling to remain married to a believer. And that's unfortunate, but that's understandable. I mean, after all, their spouse is a new creation. Their spouse has a new master, Jesus. Their spouse has a new set of priorities, and so the unbelieving spouse, a lot of the time, they can feel like, what happened to the person that I married? We used to have the same priorities, the same goals. We used to like the same hobbies. We used to have the same interests. I don't know what happened to this person that I married.

27:40And so Paul's command is: if the unbelieving spouse refuses to stay in marriage, then the Christian spouse is free to let them go. He says the believer is not enslaved. And what he means by that is they're not obligated to keep fighting forever for a marriage in which the unbeliever has said, I'm out. I don't want any more to do with you. I refuse to stay in this marriage. They're not obligated, they're not enslaved to pursue reconciliation forever. They can let them go. And I think that's what Paul is getting at in verse 16 with these two questions. Take a look there.

28:20He asks, for how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? See, what he's saying is the believing spouse could sit there and just agonize. I can't let them go because I need to continue to witness to them about Jesus. I need to make sure that they receive Christ and are saved. And Paul is like, Look, how do you know whether you'll save them? Are you saying it's up to you? Are you saying the only way that they can be saved is if they remain married to you and hear your witness? That's not the only way that God can save them.

28:54But it may also be that these rhetorical questions are pointing back to the other reality that he's talking about. What if the unbelieving spouse stays in the marriage? Then Paul is saying with these questions, look, don't divorce them. How do you know? God may use you to bring them to faith in Christ at a later point. So remain married to them. Continue to witness to them. Continue to do that, especially with your actions. As Peter writes in 1 Peter 3, win them over without a word. Right? Stay there in the marriage. But Paul's point in this section is clear: believers should not divorce their unbelieving spouses.

29:33But if the unbeliever leaves, then I think what Paul is teaching here, I believe what Scripture teaches, is that divorce is an option for the Christian if the unbeliever walks away. And I believe that because divorce, while never God's intention in Scripture, is always for the purpose of protecting the party that was sinned against. So if you go back. And you read the Old Testament, you go back and read the New Testament, what you find is divorce is a protection for the party who has sinned against. So, let's say that a man leaves his wife and goes and establishes a relationship with another woman. Well, if that wife does not ever seek a divorce and they have children, she can't apply for child support.

30:24And if you believe the remarriage is an option after a biblically allowable divorce, she can't get remarried because she's still legally married to that man, and that leaves her vulnerable on all those counts. And if we know nothing else about God's heart in this matter, we know that God's heart is for the vulnerable. He does not want the widow, the orphan, or those people who are sinned against and left in bad positions to suffer. And so that's why I conclude that. And so Paul gives his counsel for all three of these groups: for singles, for those married to believers, and for those married to non-believers. And the overarching counsel is this: be faithful. Be faithful to God. Be faithful to your marriage covenant because it is for your good and sanctification and because it's a witness to the lost.

31:18Friends, these words were written thousands of years ago, and yet you can see once again how they are just as relevant in the 21st century as they were back then. See, like today, some Christians in Corinth fell into license. They believed that they could do whatever they wanted with their bodies, and that's what we saw last week in chapter 6. But other believers fell into legalism, and they started to forbid things that God gave to us as good gifts, and that's what we saw today in chapter 7.

31:55And so, Paul in chapter 6 responds to the licentious. Remember how he concludes that chapter? Look at verse 20 of chapter 6: You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So, glorify God in your body. And today, in chapter 7, Paul corrects the legalistic person who believes that Christians should either avoid marriage entirely or practice abstinence within marriage if they are married. Instead, Paul corrects that legalism. He says, guys, marriage is a good gift from a good father. He says, Most people should seek to marry. And the way for us to honor God, glorify Him by giving ourselves fully to our spouse and by honoring our marriage covenant.

32:45Paul's teaching was countercultural in the first century, just as it is today, since their society, just like ours, was characterized by sexual immorality and by unhealthy marriages and by no-fault divorce practices. Every one of us has been affected, either directly or indirectly, by the sins of others, by the lust of others, by the adultery of others, by the divorce of others. But it's also true that every one of us has sinned against other people in those ways, or some of those ways. We've sinned against each other with respect to our lust, our sexual immorality, our adultery, our own divorces.

33:34And that's why the gospel is such good news. It's because we're not very good at being single or being married. Every one of us has sinned in many ways. We haven't received the gift of singleness or marriage with the humility or the hope that we should have. But Jesus was perfect. And as a single man, he never sinned in any way. Though Jesus was tempted, he successfully fulfilled the entire law on our behalf. And though Jesus was never married, he does have a bride, the church, for whom he laid down his life.

34:19And so I want to meditate with you on how the gospel unites these two principles of humility and hope. Take a look at Philippians 2.8. It's a very well known. Known verse, and being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Look at Hebrews 12. Looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him, endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

35:04You see, the gospel is good news for people who are not very good at being single or being married. Every one of us has sinned in many ways. And because of that, because of his great love for us, Jesus humbled himself and he became obedient to death for all of our sins. He did this out of hope, for the joy that was set before him, knowing that his life and death and resurrection meant his exaltation and our salvation.

35:40Because of the gospel, single men and women can live with humility and hope. Single men and women must be humble because your infinitely wise, perfectly good Father has chosen you. You to be single, either for this season or for the duration of your life. Pride says, I deserve better than this, or I deserve something other than this. Humility says, I trust my good Father to do what is best for me. And because of the gospel, single people must be hopeful.

36:33Your infinitely wise, perfectly good Father has chosen you to be single, and He has a great plan for your singleness. That includes plans for your sanctification to mold you into the image of Christ. And it also includes plans to use you as a single man or woman for His glory through discipleship and evangelism until Jesus returns or until the end of your life. And so, singles, I want to challenge you to live with humility and hope.

37:06But also, because of the gospel, married men and women must live with humility and hope. We have to be humble because the healthiest marriage in the room today is not all that it could be. Until our marriages perfectly reflect Jesus and His relationship with the church, we have room to grow. So, we have to be humble. But we also have to be hopeful because the unhealthiest marriage in the room today is not beyond the redemptive work of Jesus.

37:43If God can create the entire world out of nothing, and if he can raise Christ from the dead, then your marriage is not too hard for him to heal. I want you to believe that. So, church, wherever you find yourself today, single or married, content or discontent, let's believe that marriage and singleness are both good gifts from God that we must receive with humility and hope. Let's pray. Father, I pray for all of our single friends here today who maybe are struggling with their singleness because they really want to be married and they're having trouble believing that you are good and that you have a good plan for their life.

38:51I pray that they would receive their singleness as a gift from an infinitely wise and perfectly good Father. I pray for married couples today who are hurting because they're in an unhealthy marriage. I pray that you would give them great hope that their marriage is not too far beyond what an infinite and all-powerful God can heal. I pray for singles who are content and married couples who are content. That we would not live our lives for ourselves, but that we would lay them down as Jesus taught us to and modeled for us.

39:47And that we would seek to serve others in our singleness or in our marriages. God, we pray that you would make us holier and holier people. So that whether we are single or married, we have a compelling witness to the lost as we point to Jesus, the only one who is perfect and the one who laid down his life for us. Thank you, God, for the good news of the gospel, which gives us a reminder to be both humble and hopeful.

40:26In Christ's name we pray. Amen. Thank you for listening to the sermon audio from New Life Baptist Church in College Station, Texas. For more information or to support our ministry, visit us online at newlifecs.net.